Dear Rabbi Joshua,

My name is Aviella and I’ve recently visited a Jewish cemetery. I noticed that many of the graves had stones placed upon them. Could you please explain the significance of this tradition within Judaism?

The Tradition of Leaving Stones

Aviella, your observation touches upon a deeply rooted custom in Jewish tradition. The practice of placing stones on graves is a symbol of respect and remembrance. This act serves as a physical manifestation of the visitor’s presence and their reverence for the deceased. The stone signifies that the memory of the person’s soul continues to resonate even after they have passed from the world of the living.

Historical and Halachic Origins

The origin of this custom is not explicitly mentioned in the Torah or Talmud but is believed to date back to ancient times. One of the practical reasons was to ensure that kohanim (priests), who are prohibited from coming into close contact with the dead, would be able to avoid inadvertently walking over graves which were often unmarked. In halachic texts, the act of placing a stone is seen as a way of participating in the mitzvah of matzevah, setting up a marker for the grave, which honors the deceased.

Spiritual Significance

In a spiritual sense, stones represent permanence and strength. Unlike flowers, which may be another common way to honor the deceased in different cultures, stones do not wither; they endure through time just as the legacy of the individuals does. The Hebrew word for pebble is צְרוֹר (tzror), which also means ‘bond.’ When we place a stone, it is as though we are contributing to a collective bond with the departed, linked through the generations.

Contemporary Reflections

Today, this custom also serves as a gentle reminder of our mortality and the everlasting bond between the living and the dead. Each stone, unique in its shape and size, is reflective of the individual’s impact on the lives they touched. It is a practice that unites us in our humanity and the shared acknowledgment that our loved ones continue to influence us beyond their physical presence.

Aviella, may the memories of those you honor be for a blessing, and may the stones you lay bring comfort to your soul and connect you to the eternal Jewish tradition of remembrance.

Warmly,

Rabbi Joshua

Dear Rabbi Joshua,

I recently attended a Jewish wedding and witnessed the groom breaking a glass with his foot at the end of the ceremony. Could you please explain the significance of this tradition?

Warm regards,
Eliana Cohen

The Roots of the Tradition

Dear Eliana,

Thank you for your question. The breaking of a glass at a Jewish wedding is a practice rich with symbolism and historical significance. This act is traditionally carried out at the conclusion of a Jewish wedding ceremony.

Remembering the Destruction of the Temple

The most prevalent interpretation of this custom is to remind us of the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem. Even at the height of personal joy, זכר לחורבן (Zecher L’Churban), meaning “in remembrance of the destruction,” is evoked to recall the profound loss that our people have experienced. This is based on the verse from Psalms 137:5-6, where the psalmist declares: “If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget its skill! Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy!”

A Symbol of Fragility and Permanence

The breaking of the glass also symbolizes the fragile nature of relationships. Just as the glass shatters with ease, so can the bond between husband and wife be broken if not cared for. This serves as a stark reminder to the couple to treat their relationship with care and respect. Conversely, it also symbolizes the permanence of marriage, as the broken glass cannot be restored to its original state, so too should the marriage be an irrevocable bond.

A Moment of Joy

Another layer of this tradition is the expression of joy. The sound of the glass breaking is often followed by a shout of “Mazel tov!” from the guests, a phrase which means “good luck” or “congratulations.” This exclamation transforms the moment into one of collective celebration, signaling the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the wedding festivities.

Conclusion

In summary, the breaking of the glass is a multifaceted tradition that encapsulates remembrance, the recognition of life’s delicate balance, and the joyous commencement of a new chapter in the couple’s life together. It is a profound moment that connects the individual’s personal happiness to the collective history and future of the Jewish people.

May the memory of Jerusalem be interwoven with the threads of joy in every Jewish home, and may the shards of glass at a wedding remind us of our resilience and commitment to one another.

Blessings,
Rabbi Joshua